In the past few weeks I’ve had a similar question posed to me: “When did you come to faith?”

My answer has been a bit longer because I honestly can’t remember a time I wasn’t aware of Jesus in my life in a way where I knew he was there and I was somehow following him.

It’s about his grace, not my ability to follow. Somehow, he has been so good to me I’ve just known he was there and loved knowing that. There are anchor points when I knew I was going deeper with him. When I was a young teen I sat in a prayer seminar and absorbed the teaching. That was a marker in my life because it taught me some ways to pray and it’s been a constant flow in my life since.

I can remember absorbing ways to engage the Bible and then dive more deeply into study, and that has been a life source for me.

I can also remember the many, many times I’ve failed. There were times of such internal conflict and rebellion and crushing failure on my part that are hard to even think about now. The deepest point I remember when I honestly thought about walking away for good, knowing it would alter the entire course of my life, and his Spirit speaking loudly into my ear: “I still have you!”

It is about his grace and not my ability to follow! He has been there.

And in these decades of following, and stumbling, and falling down, and coming near utter failure… the more I have engaged the Kingdom in prayer and study… the more I come to this conclusion:

The Kingdom of God is more about suffering and lament than we want to admit.

And in that unfolding reality I have this reality: it doesn’t make the Kingdom of God, or my “theology,” weaker. It gives me more hope.

I am currently reading the Gospel of Mark and come to Chapter 13, which in my early formation was all about the “end times.” I’ve learned over time that isn’t necessarily the case, and today as I engage it I realize something decades of reading has somehow remained a bit hidden for me: Jesus doesn’t promise instant victory to his disciples. He promises more suffering.

Mark 13:5–8 (NIV)

⁵ Jesus said to them: “Watch out that no one deceives you. ⁶ Many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am he,’ and will deceive many. ⁷ When you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. ⁸ Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains.

That last sentence is critical.

In our day we have preachers dragging out the old “End Times” charts again with Israel and Hamas going at it. Why? Because we were always taught these were signs of the end.

Jesus doesn’t say that. He says, “This is the BEGINNING. More is to come!”

Doesn’t it make you want to shout, “YIPEE!”

No?

In the entirety of the New Testament we don’t have any long instruction on, “Don’t worry, God will keep you from all that nasty stuff!”

We do have long passages about the people of God asking, “How long?” and Jesus replying, “There’s still more to come.”

The Gospel is as much about suffering and lament as it is about ultimate victory. Jesus never talks about “constant victorious living” like we think he does.

The Kingdom of God causes disruption and Jesus isn’t entering a “clean slate” world. He’s entering a world that has established kingdoms and they are rooted in this world and will not go quietly just because Jesus showed up.

He then turns to the disciples and promises them more persecution.

Mark 13:9–11 (NIV)

⁹ “You must be on your guard. You will be handed over to the local councils and flogged in the synagogues. On account of me you will stand before governors and kings as witnesses to them. ¹⁰ And the gospel must first be preached to all nations. ¹¹ Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.

Why more suffering? Because God’s Kingdom is advancing and the kingdoms of this world will not roll over quietly and let it happen. The Kingdom of God is as much about lament and suffering as it is about anything else!

All that is happening in Israel and Gaza right now? It’s not about “the end.” It’s about signs we need to wake up.

Wars and rumors of wars. Israel. Ukraine. Conflict in so many other areas of the world.

Not signs of the end.

These are signs for the believer to wake up and get to work.

How long, O Lord?

Don’t ask that question unless you’re ready for a disappointing answer!