In the past week we learned that a missions organization our church supports in a major way suffered a great tragedy. The organization is led “on the ground” in that nation by nationals. No Americans are in the country currently that are part of that mission.

There is a reason. The country is completely falling apart and it’s down to gang warfare in every part. This past week, the mission finally suffered loss. Their main building was burned. The house where the mission director lived was burned. There was a near total loss in all they had materially in that mission.

I led prayers of the people on Sunday and as I led, there was a sense of deep mourning and loss as we prayed for the Spirit to help us stand in that burned out place and feel the pain of our brothers and sisters. We had a sense of mourning and weeping with those who suffered so greatly.

Later in the week we had a prayer meeting and it was structured beautifully with more prayers of the people, some music, and some spontaneous prayer guided by Scripture. It was an extended opportunity to pray for and with brothers and sisters in another part of the world who suffered greatly.

But in that service, I confess I did not pray well. The prayers were guided toward the suffering. It was about being with those who mourn. It was also about the Gospel command to love our enemies. To bless those who harm us.

The prayers and the music was structure well.

In my spirit, I was agitate by something else. The Scriptures given were good, but I was thinking more of Amos the prophet. There was a deep anger rising up in me. I could pray for forgiveness some other time.

I wanted justice rolling down like water.

I camped in the Book of Amos during the prayer time. Everyone else prayed in the vein of the liturgy given. It was good!

Me? I was asking God to deliver justice and righteousness.

In the first two chapters of Amos God is promising to deliver justice to nations around Israel who had sinned “again and again.”

There would be two phrases with each pronouncement:

I will not let them go unpunished.

I will send down fire.

I don’t pray well at times. This was probably one of those times. Everyone else was in agreement in one direction… I was off praying vengeance and fire (by myself, not out loud) in another direction. I could forgive the next day. But right then… fire of justice would be nice.

I prayed in the Spirit with the gift of tongues.

In our Gospel reading from the previous Sunday I had read aloud the passage in Matthew 16 where Jesus gave them the power of binding and loosing. Later that week I had been in a brief discussion with another brother in Christ about that passage and we talked about the power of the Kingdom available to us as believers and we just don’t utilize it because we don’t understand it. We short-change our prayers.

I was binding and loosing as I prayed.

I wanted the enemy that is violence bound up. I wanted justice loosed. I wanted strongholds torn down in that nation because violence has locked it up far too long and now it had spilled onto people I really cared about.

There are times when I don’t pray well. Anger is there. A call for God to really come in and let some fire loose really surges in my spirit.

But in my bad attitude I was reminded of that passage on binding and loosing. I was reminded of the conversation and how we “short-change” ourselves. And I was reminded of a list I carry with me that is to pray for big monstrosities that I want God to truly deal with and it is in HIS time and HIS way.

The end of gun violence in America. That he would change the American DNA that bends us toward violence.

The end of addictions.

The end of racism in America.

And now, the end of violence in this country where my friends had suffered deep loss.

I put those there because I can pray them. I can ask over and over. They are God-sized asks. I won’t end gun violence or change the DNA of a violent culture. God can.

That list is there because I want to ASK and keep on asking. I want to “give God no rest” (Isa. 62:7) on these things.

He has given me the keys of the Kingdom. I need to utilize them.

I’m so glad everyone else was praying for forgiveness and comfort. It was deeply needed.

I will get back to that. I just want some justice loosed on the enemy as well.