Hey, Dad, it’s been a year

Hey, Dad. It’s been a year. This past week I’ve revisited every day of that week a year ago in my mind. I close my eyes and see the road driving to St. Louis or see the ICU when I first walked in to see you. I remember conversations. I remember looks we had when things were so hard and going downhill so fast.

I remember the sacred moments when family surrounded you and you led us to the very precipice of that holy presence where you now dwell. You put us on holy ground and I am so very grateful.

I’ve missed the conversations. The phone calls. The visits. Sitting with you. Holding your hand and watching everything going on around us.

Dear God, I miss your laugh.

Terri and I got to go to Israel this year and I thought of you every step of the way. Don’t think I’m weird or anything, but I swear I saw you a couple of times. Out of the corner of my eye. The second time I was so overwhelmed I just froze and let the tears come. You and Mom had been there over 40 years ago and here I was with Terri and I was so grateful to connect in a sacred place like that.

Dear God, I miss getting to call you when the Packers are lousy. Okay, I also miss you laughing at me when the Packers beat the Vikings… again.

Every day I am thankful I got to have you for so long in my life. Since you’ve gone I’ve worked hard to put in place meaningful actions for the last third of my life (even though I’m probably well into that last third). These past five years with you counted. I want that to be the way I feel with my sons and their spouses and my grandkids… and especially with Terri. No matter how long I have, this day counts and so I make it worth all I can for their sake.

Dear God, I miss you.

I’m grateful Mom is doing well. I am wanting to treasure those times with her and the conversations we have when I call. She sure misses you.

Thanks for those last 5 years. I know at the time you struggled to remember, but I made every effort to think about each time I got to visit and each time I got to call. You may not have remembered much then, but I won’t forget. God gifted me space and time just to help us stay in touch and find ways to connect and I’m so grateful.

I love you. I’m proud to be your son.

I miss you.

It’s been a year.