I don’t write poetry or songs. I can barely write sentences.

But my heart is broken and I need to let loose in a lament. I’m not the psalmist and it isn’t inspired.

The feeling of loss is overwhelming at times. I believe in healing and ask for healing and yet I watch people lose those battles. It isn’t a lack of ultimate faith, or not “rejoicing” that they’ve gone into the presence of Jesus and the pain is no more… I DO “rejoice” in the release of pain.

Yet, I long to see healing. I long to see more miracles. Two college students in the past few months that I’ve known in some way have lost battles. One to brain cancer. Another to heart disease. The last one was sudden and tragic.

People in their 20s… gone. Parents burying their children.

Losses hurt. These are times when I long for the healing power of Jesus to work far more than the “healing” thought of “no more pain.”

I’m tired of praying for headaches to be gone and that might happen… and seeing people lose battles to bigger things. Cancer “winning”… heart disease “winning.” Lack of prayer. Lack of persistence in prayer… Lack of longing for God to move in a more powerful way…

It’s not a doubt of God I have… it’s a wrenching in my heart that cries out when I think, “It just doesn’t have to be this way.” Not ALL the time anyway!

People die. Got that.

People suffer. Got that.

God is sovereign. Got that.

And it still wrenches my heart because all the brain knowledge in the world doesn’t wipe away the emotion of loss. That’s why we have “laments” in the Psalms. And it’s why it hurts today.

4 My heart is in anguish within me;
    the terrors of death have fallen on me.
5 Fear and trembling have beset me;
    horror has overwhelmed me. (Ps. 54:4-5)

 

2 thoughts on “A Lament

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