The Hole in Our Hearts

As I understand it, C.S. Lewis wrote A Grief Observed anonymously after his wife died of cancer. It was only years later that his name was attached to the lament that he penned in his wrestling with God.

Four years ago I could have done something like that… Well, not like that, because Lewis could actually write. But, our church had suffered a horrendous loss and I must confess that to this day I still have very raw conversations with God about it.

I can add one to the list. A kid right on our block, a kid we watched grow up, was killed last week. An accident. But, at 15, he is gone. And there is a hole in our hearts. Hundreds of kids from the high school mourn. The people on our block mourn. Our family mourns.

We know the hope of the resurrection. We know the hope of abiding in Christ… we know all those answers. But, as Lewis learned, it doesn’t lessen the deep pain we feel in the moment.

As I walked around the funeral chapel looking at the pictures of a great young man, the thought in my heart was, “There isn’t anything right about this.”

In the movie Shadowlands, Anthony Hopkins playing Lewis said, “It’s just a bloody mess and that’s all there is to it.”

And I agree tonight. Right now.

 If only you would tear open 
the heavens and come down!  (Isa. 64:1, CEB)

5 thoughts on “The Hole in Our Hearts

  1. I nearly geared up reading this. It has been a rough week here for me personally. Not death but the prospect of death with demitasse. So sad to watch folk decompose mentally before your eyes. Surely the resurrection is our only hope. You are in my prayers!

  2. I understand your pain very clearly as my wife andI have experienced 3 plus years of every kind of disaster that you can imagine. I too have had some very raw conversations with God and I wonder when and if things will ever get better. For several years Isaiah has become a precious book for me to read and Isaiah 64:1 has become my prayer: “Oh that you would rend the heavens and come down”.

  3. I read the book, it was intense. I watched Shadowlands with Anthony Hopkins, I cried. I have also experienced the loss of my aunt, and grieving my best friend’s loss of her husband in the last few months, and through out the years, unexpected losses of co-workers also. It is a hope I lean on – the resurrection of Christ – and yet the empty feeling can gnaw at me, in different degrees. it is a bloody mess.

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