The day after the election I wrote to all three congressional representatives who “represent” me in Congress: Two senators and a congressman. It was a joke because they never respond with any care any more. I simply did it to see how long it would take to get a canned response from them. To one senator’s credit, they responded back first, while in the past that particular office has taken up to five months to deliver a CANNED response.

I just got the second one today, so I thought I would share it (with the REAL interpretation in parentheses). It’s essentially the same as the first canned response.

Dear Mr. Thompson,

Thank you for contacting me to share your concerns about legislation before the House of Representatives. (NOTE: I said nothing about legislation in my email.) I am honored to hear from you and proud to represent you.  Since coming to Congress, I have been working very hard to advance my policy agenda based on four key priorities – peace, prosperity for working families, environmental sustainability, and support for human and civil rights. (I must be honest. I know I was elected for the people’s agenda, but really…what do the PEOPLE know?)

As the 111th session of Congress comes to a close and the New Congress convenes this January, any legislation that has not become law at this point will need to be reintroduced in the next Congress to be considered.  Legislation is often repeatedly reintroduced because in most cases, it does take a significant amount of time for an idea to become law.  Please feel free to contact me with any input you may have on any issues or legislation in the 112th Congress. (Even though you have contacted me this time about God knows what, I need you to submit another web form. I have a quota to fill plus I’m in this office pool with another congressman to see who answers the most emails from constituents.) The 112th Congress is set to convene on January 5, 2011.

Thank you again for contacting me, your input allows me to represent you better in Congress. (Not really, but this is the response I am obligated to give to my minions.) If you would like to follow any legislation more closely throughout the legislative process, visit www.thomas.gov. (Thus avoiding the possibility of BUGGING ME again with your inane questions and ill-informed opinions.)

God Bless America!